


Not For Granted

by thepainlesstruth



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Businessman!Levi, M/M, Model!Eren, Two oc's - Freeform, a little cliche i admit, advice from a stranger, kinda sad, levi is rly mean at the beginning, mikasa is mean too, new york & starbucks, no smut sorry, not much fluff, partyboy!eren, time skip between chapters, written at 4AM
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-18
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-04-09 22:00:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4365758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepainlesstruth/pseuds/thepainlesstruth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Your love was my drug. I became addicted to you and that made me scared so I ran away."</p><p>"Running away is never the answer, Eren."</p><p>"But sometimes it is. Look where I am now."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Long Lost

**Author's Note:**

> song fic for Ghost by Halsey and Maps by Maroon 5  
> other than that, enjoy and thanks for reading!

They sit on the edge of the city. Below them, the endless crisscrossing of streetlamps and towering skyscrapers sleep soundly.

But they are above it all, both in mind and body.

The party behind them pounds its everlasting beat into the silence of the night, with the sirens howling beneath the balcony and the 2 AM traffic blinking red green yellow red.

“Do you suppose this is a good life?” Eren asks. He’s so straightforward, it hurts.

“It’s damn glorious,” Levi replies, peering down into the foggy dusk. He’s not sure whether he’s being sarcastic or truthful.

Eren nods slowly. “But don’t you ever feel like you’re missing something? Honestly, I feel so empty sometimes. Like I’m an ocean and God forgot to pour in the water. Do you think that’s how canyons are formed?”

“Stop asking so many questions, brat.” His breath puffs out small clouds each time his lips form a syllable.

The quiet ensues.

Eren opens his mouth again, but then closes it.

“I’m sorry.”

Levi stares at him. He can see everything. Each neuron, each cell, each blood tissue. It’s so transparent to him.

“For what?” He asks.

Eren shrugs, a rueful smirk on his face. He looks at his sneakers. “I don’t know; I guess. For everything, really. It’s,” He checks his watch, “2:14 in the morning and you’re still here—because of me.”

Levi scoffs. “Doesn’t matter. I couldn’t sleep anyways," he lies.

Eren hums, a sad tune. His voice is probably the purest thing Levi has heard in ages.

“Can I tell you something?”

“You already did.”

Eren shakes his head. “No, no. Something else.”

Levi bows his head to hide a smirk. His fringe covers the dark bags under his eyes. “You just did again.”

Eren huffs and throws his hands up, rolling his eyes. “Levi!”

A sigh. “What.”

Eren leans back to look at the hidden stars—his upper torso is completely off the railing. Sheer balance is the only thing keeping him from falling twenty-two floors.

“I’m moving.” It comes out as a whisper, but Levi can hear it as clearly as the breaking of glass.

He examines his nails, pretending to be disinterested. “To where?”

“Can’t tell you. But it’s far. Really far.” Eren is peering intently at Levi, waiting for any sort of response. It almost seems like this is his last straw; whatever Levi says next will make or break him.

But Levi doesn’t even give him a glance. “Huh. Have fun.” He bets Eren is bluffing; only a few hours ago he was drunkenly slurring that he would stay by Levi’s side forever.

Eren’s face falls. But Levi doesn’t see it because he’s too busy checking his work email. “Well, then. See you, Levi.”

Levi is sure that tomorrow, he’ll wake up and see Eren groggily slumped against his apartment door. It’s a routine; Levi wordlessly lets him in, cooks breakfast for the both of them, and then they part their respective ways at the bus stop.

He doesn’t doubt for even a second that Eren won’t be there in the morning.

He replies with a quick wave, still looking down at his phone. He doesn’t know why he feels the need to look indifferent, cold and detached. Maybe it’s because he’s afraid of the little jump his heart does whenever he looks at Eren.

But it couldn’t be, because the doctor said his heart was “perfectly healthy”.

“I’ll miss you.” It’s faint but somehow it reaches Levi’s ears.

He hears the sliding door glide open, then out of the corner of his eye he sees Eren’s form slip through the narrow entrance.

A stab of panic cuts through his chest for a moment; Eren’s goodbye sounded so heartbreakingly sad. Levi whips his head up and squints at the bright neon lights of the makeshift dance floor. His eyes search for the familiar mussed brown hair and narrow shoulders. But all too soon, Eren’s retreating back is lost in the writhing crowds.

Levi mentally calms his suddenly racing heart; everything is fine, Eren is fine, you did nothing wrong. It was just another one of Eren’s mood swings.

After he has composed himself substantially, he gets up from his spot on the balcony and dusts off his slacks. He’s not in the mood to get shit-faced tonight, so he quietly leaves the unknown penthouse and makes his way back home in the early hours of sunrise.

//

When Levi wakes up, the first thing he notices are the red numbers blinking on his alarm clock.

_7:34 A.M._

_Shit._ Only three hours of sleep _._ Thank God it was the weekend. He flops back into bed and hides his head under the comforter. Deciding to fall back asleep until Eren comes over, Levi closes his tired eyes and drifts back into a dreamless state.

//

Rubbing away the last tendrils of sleep, Levi yawns and pops the crick in his neck. Still bleary and unfocused, he unlocks his iPhone to check for any new messages. Seeing none, he tosses the device beside him and lays back down, staring at the ceiling. He sees some dust settling in the corners of the walls and ponders the thought of cleaning.

Flashbacks of last night come back to him in bits and pieces—memories of strobe lights and drunk teenagers and—ah. Eren.

Levi glances at the clock out of the corner of his eye.

_1:26 P.M._

Shoving back the blankets, Levi hastily crawls out of bed and slips on a robe. He shuffles to the front door and throws it open.

“Hey, Eren, I’m really sorry. You see; I overslept and I—,” Levi stops.

He sticks his head out the door and peeks left and right. No sign of Eren.

Usually, if Levi wasn’t awake by ten o’clock (which wasn’t often), Eren would just wait outside patiently, or leave a note that he had already eaten breakfast.

He pulls his phone out of his pajama pockets and scrolls to Eren’s name on his contacts; he probably missed a text from him.

But there is nothing; only the messages that Eren had sent him last night.

_1:03 A.M._

_Eren: hieeee levvvvi can u com e pick me up???? srry its l8_

_1:05 A.M._

_Levi: Have you been drinking?_

_1:06 A.M._

_Eren: mayyybe. come finD Out;)_

_1:06 A.M._

_Levi: Where the hell are you?_

_1:10 A.M._

_Eren: fffgbbfd ummm the penthous of i think trost apartment_

_1:10 A.M._

_Levi: Okay. I’ll be there. Don’t go anywhere._

_1:13 A.M._

_Eren: tyty ur my savior_

Levi sighs, smiling a little at Eren’s drunken texting. Then the smile turns into a small frown when he remembers their conversation last night.

_I’m moving._

Levi brushes it off as just another one of Eren’s quirks; the ones he uses to get attention. But just in case, he taps the green call button next to Eren’s name.

_The number you are trying to reach is no longer in service. Please try again later._

The end dial drowns out all of his other thoughts. Heart in his throat, he pushes Redial.

Again and again, the same recorded voice in his ear. In frustration, he throws the phone at the wall across from his apartment. The bang and clatter of the iPhone hitting the plaster echoes through the hallways, making Levi wince.

Slipping his feet into a pair of sandals, he hurries out and picks up his phone. Levi exhales with relief; surprisingly, there is no visible damage.

Clutching at his robe, he speed-walks to the elevator and repeatedly stabs his finger into the going-down button. He runs a hand through his hair impatiently; living 18 stories up has its disadvantages.

The ding of the arriving elevator car disrupts his thoughts. All the way down to Eren’s floor, Levi ignores the weird stares of his neighbors and fervently prays that Eren is still sleeping soundly at home.

This prayer runs marathons through his head—until he finds himself standing in front of Eren’s door on the 6th floor. He rings the doorbell once, counts to five, and then gives up and rings the bell incessantly. He really doesn’t care if Eren has a horrible hangover and is throwing up on the way to answer the door—wait, no, he _does_ care; he doesn’t want to clean up Eren’s puke, ew—but he _has_ to know that Eren was only bluffing last night.

A boy answers the door—but it’s not Eren. Levi recognizes him faintly—was his name John?

For a second, he thinks he might be the one vomiting. There's only one reason this kid would be here half-naked, with a towel around his waist, looking half-asleep and with hickies marking his neck.

“Who is it, Jean?” A freckled boy peeks out from beside the door. Levi knows him too. Marco, was it?

“Oh hey, Levi. Do you…need something?” Jean asks hesitatingly. The sight of Levi with his eyes narrowed and looking increasingly threatening in his white robe gives Jean the shivers.

“Where’s Eren? Isn’t this his apartment?”

Jean laughs nervously, giving a side glance to Marco. Marco chuckles timidly as well, making Levi assume the worst. Oh God, a threesome?

“Eren…moved. Didn’t he tell you?” Seeing Levi’s disbelieving expression, Jean clarifies, “He gave us this apartment. Said it was a thank-you gift for being his worst nemesis all through high school.”

Clearing his throat, Jean guiltily looks away when he adds, “I know it was selfish of me to accept, but he told me he was moving anyways and Marco and I were looking for a place to stay…But don’t worry! We’re paying all the electricity and water bills and everything so we’re not leeching off of him—.”

Levi holds up a hand, stopping Jean’s rambling. He could care less about Jean’s financial situation or any of that shit.

“Wait. So, Eren’s gone?”

Jean shoots him a confused look. “Um…yeah? We just moved in, like, yesterday morning.”

The reality of the situation hits Levi full in the face. His eyes widen fractionally and his fingers start to tremble, but he quickly hides them in his pockets.

“Where is he now?” He asks in a slightly quivering voice.

Jean scratches his head. “I…can’t tell you. It’s something you should hear from Eren himself.”

“Why?” Levi murmurs, mostly to himself.

Elbowing Jean in the side, Marco looks at Levi with pity in his eyes. “He said that this town was getting boring. Wanted to cut off his ties with partying and all that and start over new somewhere else.” He pauses for a moment, fully emerging from behind the door and wrapping an arm around Jean’s waist. “But the thing is; he really did like you, Levi. I never thought he would leave you hanging like this.”

Still in shock, Levi stares at the hand rubbing small circles into Jean’s hipbone. For a second, he imagines him and Eren standing in the same position; with love bites on Eren’s throat and his hair mussed. His breath catches and comes out sounding like a half-sob.

“Hey, Levi, are you okay? You look kind of shell-shocked.”

Waving away their concerns, Levi wordlessly walks away from the confused couple still peering back at him. He wishes he was as happy as them; wishes Eren was still here; wishes he had believed Eren last night.

He is numb all the way back up to his apartment; staring straight ahead, seeing but not seeing at the same time.

Sinking into his plush leather couch, he remembers all the times he and Eren sat here eating breakfast silently. All the times Levi had leaned away whenever Eren got too close during a movie. All the times he had watched Eren working on his uni homework; brows furrowed and pen in his mouth.

He had known all along; had completely seen the extent of Eren’s feelings towards him. But he had dismissed the quickening rate of his heartbeat whenever he caught Eren staring at him; had forgotten all about little pangs of jealousy he felt whenever he saw Eren dancing with another guy.

The mantra that had been winding through his head ever since he met Eren finally becomes clear. Before, it had been a jumble of letters and emotions all tangled up; too messy for Levi to organize or even begin to understand. But now, the words ring clear and achingly honest behind his stormy grey eyes.

_He’s too young._

_He doesn’t know what he’s getting into._

_I can’t do this._

_I can’t fall in love._

//

_Don’t tell me you changed your number too, oh my God, please pick up—_

“Hello?”

“Mikasa. It’s Levi.”

“Oh. You. What is it?” Her tone turns ugly, oozing black tar and a hint of anger. She never really liked Levi; always shooting him glares whenever he came back with a very drunk Eren leaning on his shoulder—almost like it was his fault that Eren was such a reckless party-hard. And in a way, it may have been.

Brushing off his discomfort for phone calls—he couldn’t compose his thoughts slowly like he did with text messages—Levi responds, “I need you to tell me where Eren is."

Mikasa laughs ruefully into his ear. “Look; you’ve already done enough damage as it is. It’s over, Levi. You had your chance and you lost it. Didn’t you know how much he _loved_ you?” The last sentence cuts slashes into his chest; he physically pulls his knees to his ribs to protect himself from Mikasa’s next words.

“Eren is going to be happy now. You got that? You absolutely _cannot_ ruin his future anymore.” Mikasa takes a deep breath. “Don’t try to find him. Promise me.”

“I can’t make promises I’ll break,” Levi replies.

“You are a selfish fuck-up, alright? Can’t you see that you’re not his drug anymore?  He got _sick_ of you, Levi. Anyways, isn’t this what you wanted? Isn’t this why you’ve always treated him like shit?”

In the background, Levi faintly hears, “Mikasa, stop. That's enough.”

Mikasa argues back to the familiar voice. “He deserves it!”

The same person yells at her, voice cracking. “It doesn’t matter. I’m begging you.”

Levi sits up abruptly and clutches the phone so hard his fingers cramp. “Is that Eren? Let me talk to him. No, please, Mikasa; just _one last time_.”

But no one answers him, only a lonely, never-ending dial tone.


	2. At Last Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I'm literally have no excuses for updating so late. I feel like it's been over a year since I posted the first chapter...I shouldn't write multi-chap fics :/ I made this chapter a little longer than usual as an apology:) Btw I have no experience in the modeling industry or the Wall Street business world so please excuse my mistakes. I tried my best. Anyways, please enjoy and comments/kudos are much appreciated!

_Four Years Later_

He walks along the crowded streets, underneath the ever-gloomy sky and its heavy clouds. Hands shoved deep into his pockets, he narrowly avoids murky puddles of rain and other pedestrians.

Lost in his thoughts, he accidentally elbows a tall man.

“Oh; I’m sorry—.”

But his words fall on empty ears. The man, staring intently at his phone, doesn’t even give him a second glance before disappearing into the fog.

Slumping his shoulders, Levi bows his head and once again resumes his walk home. He’s no different, he supposes. Everybody’s lost in their own world, caught in the bubble that society has created for them.

He passes a multitude of buildings; independent coffee shops along with large brand name stores.

Eyeing a line of impatient customers outside of Starbucks, he sighs. He used to love Starbucks too, back when _he_ worked here. Now, when Levi takes a step into the café, memories of a long lost time come rushing back until he can’t stand it anymore, until he is forced to run out, choking on his own breath. How such a happy place could turn into a landmine; he never knew.

He shakes his head, clearing away his thoughts.

//

Exhaling loudly, he flops down onto his couch and powers up his laptop. Sipping his tea, Levi scrolls through his email, mentally creating a to-do list for work. Being the Chief Financial Officer of a large Wall Street bank does not come easily.

Out of the corner of his eye, a certain subject title catches his attention.

“EXTRA ULTRA MEGA VERY IMPORTANT,” it says. Curiosity piqued, he clicks on the message. He groans when he sees it’s from Hanji, but she never emails him unless it’s something important.

“Levi. I’m not sure sending this to you is a good idea, but I thought you would like to know about it, if you don’t already. I’m not going to give anything away, so just click on the link,” the message reads.

He hesitates, a little afraid of what he might find on the other side of the link. Perhaps a negative news article about him? A sudden fall in the stock prices?

But what he finds is nothing like what he imagined.

Of course, he recognizes who it is instantly. A full-page picture of _him_ , of _Eren_ ; HD quality capturing every pore; every eyelash.

For a moment, shock colors his features and he just stares at the article, not knowing whether to look away or keep scrolling. It’s the first time he’s seen Eren since four years ago, and _goddamn._

Who knew Eren was so beautiful?

But then Levi chuckles at his hypocrisy. Because he’s known it from the first day he met Eren.

Numbly, he reads the caption.

“Eren Jaeger, hottest recruit of Sina Modeling. Go to page 24 to read about his exclusive interview with Vogue.”

Levi finds himself scrolling all the way to page 24. There, he finds another picture of Eren, leaning on a wall with his head cocked to the side and his hands folded into loose fists beside him. He exudes confidence and innocence all at once.

_Q: Hey, how are you, Eren?_

_A: I’m fine, thank you._

_Q: I just have a few questions for you; is that alright?_

_A: Go ahead._

_Q: So, Eren, what lead you to modeling?_

_A: Well, I moved to Los Angeles a few years ago as you may know, and I was jobless for quite a few weeks. I didn’t like living off of my dad’s money, so I decided I would try to get a job. To tell the truth, my college resume is not the best thing ever, so it was very hard finding well-paying workplaces. So I looked for some other sources of money._

_Q: What ‘other sources of money’ are you talking about? Like joining the-uh-sex industry? Or—_

_A: I mean, yeah, I considered it. But only for a split second. Personally, even the thought disgusted me and I knew that my friends wouldn’t like it, especially_ him.

_Q: Oh? Who is this ‘he’ you speak of? If my memory is correct, I remember you mentioning this man in a few of your other interviews._

_A: Ah-I don’t want to talk about that. I didn't mean to bring it up. Sorry._

_Q: How about just a little insight—_

_A: No. I said I don’t want to talk about him._

_[Silence.]_

_Q: Yes. I’m sorry. So basically you looked for some more uncommon workplaces and found Sina Modeling?_

_A: Yep. Luckily, they were right in the middle of recruiting new models so I applied on a whim and got chosen._

_Q: Is the work hard in any way?_

_A: Oh, yeah. I have to constantly watch what I eat. No soda, no chips, no greasy foods. I also need to work out whenever I have spare time and attend a lot of shoots. I think my agent, Armin, has it tougher than me though. [Laughs]. He’s constantly on the phone; scheduling my photo shoots, appointments, et cetera._

_Q: I see. Well, I wish we had more time but unfortunately, your agent only agreed to ten minutes._

_A: That’s a shame._ Levi almost snorts at the blatant sarcasm.

_Q: It sure is. Anyways, thanks for coming and we will all be rooting for your success behind the spotlights._

_A: Thank you._

After reading the last word, Levi breathes heavily and closes the laptop. He had honored Mikasa’s wishes; he had not searched for Eren nor tried to contact him after that one time four years ago. But this—the evidence of Eren’s existence and location placed right in front of him—he could not resist.

How many sleepless nights had Levi spent wondering about Eren’s wellbeing? How many times did he have to face his still broken heart and pretend that all the pieces were mended?

No; a sliver of his healing heart was still embedded in the memory of a certain green-eyed boy and unless it was returned, his chest would continue to shrink until there was nothing left to fix.

He picks up his phone and presses the speed dial for his secretary.

“Petra, notify Erwin that I’m going to need a rain check for the next seven days. I’m flying out to LA this weekend.”

//

“…I see. I’ll talk to him about it. Yes,” Armin nods, “Okay; talk to you soon. Bye.”

“Who was that?” Eren asks.

Armin sighs. “Well, there’s both good and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?”

“Hm,” Eren leans back in his chair. “I don’t know; today’s been kind of an unlucky day. Let’s go with the good news first, then.”

Armin sucks in a quick breath. “A representative from Trost Banking wants to meet you. In person.”

Eren brightens. “Oh my God, seriously? Trost Banking? Does he want me to do a commercial or something? Because I’d be definitely glad to—,”

“It’s Levi. Levi wants to meet you.”

Surprise coalesces with a hidden grief in the small office they are sitting in; Eren’s previous excitement replaced with a sort of nostalgic remembrance.

“…Is that the bad news?” Eren whispers.

Armin nods reluctantly.

Eren tips his chair back and looks up at the crudely plastered ceiling. “I knew today was my unlucky day.”

//

The blaring alarm rouses Eren from his light sleep. He had been tossing and turning all night; unable to settle the pounding thoughts in his head.

Clutching the sheets until his knuckles turn white, he silently curses Levi. That bastard had the most impeccable timing. Eren had just finally found a place where he was needed and belonged; where he thinks he might be able to resume his life, meet new people, start a relationship, _begin again_.

He wants to scream and cry and laugh all at once. He wants to burn down the house but at the same time, call Levi and tell him, “Thank you for finding me again. Thank you for remembering me.”

A whirlwind of emotions and old memories hammer cracks into his brain until he can’t possibly take it anymore. Because deep down, his bones ache to see Levi one last time, to give them the closure they both need.

Eren realizes that maybe; just maybe, he meant more to Levi than he thought.  

He listens to the clock tick away the last few minutes of early dawn. He had set his alarm early today, in hopes of catching the sunrise. He yawns, rubbing his eyes. Maybe another day. He was young and free and had all the time in the world; he would see thousands more sunrises and sunsets before his last breath left him.

And if he had his whole life set out before him, what difference would one wistful conversation make?

Absolutely nothing.

//

“Hello?”

“Hi. It’s me.”

Eren can barely hear the sound of his breathing over the drumming of his heart. Doesn’t know if this is exactly a good idea—Mikasa would definitely disapprove— but it’s too late.

“Eren,” Levi says, his voice strained and caught in the crevices of his throat. “It’s been a while.”

Eren bites his lip hard enough to bruise. It’s the first time he’s heard Levi’s voice in four years, and it still wants to make his heart jump somersaults in his chest.

“Yeah,” he answers, equally breathless.  In a vain attempt to appear casual, he tries, “Armin said you wanted to see me.”

Levi clears his throat. “I do. When are you available?”

Eren almost forgets what Levi asked; too busy replaying the smooth, dark baritone of Levi’s voice.

“Huh? Oh—you’re in town?”

“For a week.”

“Oh. Well, I don’t think I have any shoots scheduled for Sunday,” Eren notes, reviewing his mental calendar. “I could meet you at the Starbucks in the Beverly Center. Or is that too far from your hotel?”

“No, that’s fine. Is five o’clock okay?"

“Yeah, perfect. See you then.”

“Bye,” Levi says softly.

“Bye.”

Remembering that Levi doesn’t like to hang up first, Eren moves to end the call. But just as he hovers over the red button, he hears Levi’s steady, even breathing. Out of habit, Eren tries to match his exhalations with Levi’s; something he used to do whenever he was high and needed an anchor.

Quickly realizing what he is doing, Eren inhales sharply and hangs up, clutching the phone tightly between his palms.

 _God,_ he thinks, _old habits die hard._

//

The arrival of Sunday afternoon brings a certain dread to Eren’s bones. Driving through the chilly November air, he shivers slightly in his car and wonders if agreeing to meet Levi was a good choice. But it is too late for regrets.

A few minutes later, he finds a good parking spot in space B-18 and hopes he won’t forget the number.

Seeing that Starbucks is on the eighth floor, Eren gets on an elevator alongside an old lady and her granddaughter. He smiles at the little girl when she looks at him curiously.

She tugs on her grandma’s sleeve. “Nana, this man looks familiar.”

The old lady turns around to peer at Eren. Recognizing him, her face lights up.

“Why, Mr. Jaeger! I remember reading about you in the Vogue magazine!” She gasps.

Eren laughs. “Please, call me Eren. And you?”

The woman waves Eren off, shushing him. “Oh, I’m not important. What brings you doing here today?”

He muses over his answer for a bit; then decides that a little truth won’t hurt.

“Well, do you remember the man I kept refusing to talk about in my interview?”

“Oh yes, I do remember. Let me guess, you’re here to meet him.”

Eren shoots her a playful sideways glance, then nods confirmation.

The grandma clasps her hands together, eyes twinkling. “Well, my dear, would you like to hear some advice from a wise, old lady?”

Eren chuckles. “If it will help me get over my nerves.”

“The thing is; sir,” she begins, “nothing in this world is more important than finding someone who you can spend the rest of your life with. Now, I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but I’m going to tell you right now that this does _not_ equal love.” She gestures to her granddaughter. “I do not love Belle’s grandfather. I deeply care for him, yes, but it was never the kind of wild, fiery romance that you see in the movies. Instead, my husband is convenient for me, as I am for him. We work well together. We understand each other. We trust each other.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that love is only a temporary solution. It will not solve jealousy. It will not solve family issues. It will not solve loneliness. But when you find someone that can be a friend as well as a mentor, then you might as well fall in love with them.

“Don’t trust in the exhilaration of being in love and make hasty decisions. Think about it. Could you really be in a long-term, beneficial relationship with that person? Don’t waste your time and effort on a man who will only leave a chest full of painful memories. I know from experience.”

The old lady sighs and pats Belle on her head. “Just some food for thought, my dear.”

Eren nods, saving the information for later. “Thank you. That makes a lot of sense, really. Actually, I—,”

Abruptly, the elevator dings, announcing its arrival.

“Oh! I guess we’re here already. Well, it was very pleasant to meet you, Eren. I wish you the best of luck wherever you go.” Smiling, the lady gently touches his shoulder.

“It was nice meeting you too. Thanks again!” Eren says.

Picking up her bags and grabbing her granddaughter’s hand, the old lady hurries out of the elevator before the doors close.

//

Drumming his fingers on the table, Levi clutches his coffee tightly and exhales slowly.

He feels the same anxiety he did four years ago when he first found out that Eren had left.

He leans back in his chair and closes his eyes for a moment; he hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before. The sound of people murmuring softly around him almost lulls him to sleep when a voice wakes him.

“Levi?”

Eyes still closed, he hears the scrape of a chair being pulled out.

The silence stretches on; Levi is hesitant to open his eyes.

He is afraid. Afraid of how Eren might look at him. Afraid of having to face the truth.

But he swallows the knot in his throat and slowly blinks his eyes open.

For a moment, he is temporarily blinded. With the afternoon sunlight casting a halo around him, Eren reminds him of a transient being; a fleeting wisp that he can see but never touch.

He blinks again and the moment is gone.

“Eren.” He looks exactly as he did in the magazine; not anymore the scrawny, sleepy boy that Levi used to take care of.

“You look well,” Eren says.

Levi crookedly smiles and shakes his head. “No, I don’t.”

Eren leans forward and folds his arms on the table. “Actually, you’re right. You don’t. Have you been taking care of yourself?”

“I should be asking you that.” He is always astounded by the capacity of Eren’s compassion.

Eren impatiently shakes his head. “No; I have Mikasa and Armin to look after me. But you; you were always such an independent person. Well, unless you have found somebody; that is.”

Levi tsks. “Don’t be foolish. You know I have neither the patience nor the time to be in a relationship.”

“I never needed your patience or your time,” Eren murmurs under his breath.

“What? I didn’t hear you.”

Eren waves him off. “It was nothing. Anyways, how’s New York?”

Levi studies Eren for a moment, wondering if it really was nothing.

“It was raining when I left,” he replies. “Shame you couldn’t see it. I had a discount for a double-decker tour bus.”

Smiling brightly, Eren sits up. “Wow, lucky! I always loved riding those in the rain…”

Levi smirks. “And then you would show up at my apartment all drenched and shivering, asking for a towel. And—,”

“—And then you would send me off, saying that you don’t like the smell of wet dogs,” Eren finishes.

As they quietly laugh together, Levi feels content for the first time in a long time.

“Hey, Levi, I’ll be right back with a cup of coffee, okay?”

Quickly, Levi stands up and grabs Eren’s arm. “No, let me buy you one. I owe you.”

Eren smirks. “For all those free coffees I secretly gave to you when I used to work at Starbucks?”

“Yes,” Levi says. _And for the heartache I caused you._

Eren sits back down. “My tastes haven’t changed from before. If you get it wrong, I’ll—,” he warns.

Levi chuckles. “Don’t worry. I remember.”

//

When Levi comes back, he hands it to Eren and settles back into his chair.

Carefully raising the hot liquid to his lips, Eren maintains eye contact with Levi as he takes the first sip.

“Y-you remembered! Non-fat vanilla latte with the extra shot—you even got the right size!” He exclaims.

Levi smirks. “Did you think I would forget so easily?”

“N-no, I just…” Eren stammers, eyes downcast.

Levi’s heart falls. Eren truly believed that Levi hadn’t cared enough to remember the details.

Looking out the window, Levi sees the sun starting to bow down to the horizon. A few more hours and the day would be over. And so would their brief meeting.

He doesn’t want to break their friendly banter from before, but he has no other choice.

“Eren, I—,” he hesitates. Eren looks up from his coffee. Their eyes meet and Levi is certain that Eren knows what he is going to say next.

“I’m sorry,” Levi breathes. Eren shows no sign of surprise, and it confirms the fact that he was waiting for this moment.

Levi sighs and bites his lip. “I-I was afraid of getting to close to you. If I had, and if you ever left me, I would break. So, while I was trying to protect myself, I ended up ignoring your feelings and hurting you. And for that, I’m sorry.”

“What the literal fuck?” Eren slams a hand on the tabletop and leans closer to Levi. “You fucking knew it. You knew I loved you and you didn’t say a _single word_. Stop making such shitty excuses. It’s unbecoming of you.”

Levi winces at the ferocity of Eren’s anger. The calm and pleasant demeanor from before is completely gone, replaced by a murderous hatred and disgust.

He notices the curious glances of the other customers and tries to push Eren back.

“Please, Eren, lower your voice. We’re around _people_ ,” he hisses.

Eren scoffs but sits back down. “See, that’s the problem. You always cared too much about what other people thought of you.” He holds up a hand when Levi starts to protest. “You always told me to stay at least three inches away from you, so that people wouldn’t think we were dating. You didn’t want your coworkers to see us together. You think I forgot all those times when you shoved me behind a trashcan, into a nearby store, or into your closet?” Eren shakes his head, literally speechless about how pointless it all was. “You know why I moved? I thought that maybe if I became someone you weren’t ashamed of, I could finally be with you.” And with that, he storms out of the café, leaving his coffee behind.

//

Eren jabs the down button for the elevator, willing it to hurry up. When the sign above blinks that the elevator is currently on the first floor, Eren groans in exasperation and decides to take the stairs.

As he’s running down the stairwell, he hears another set of footsteps quickly catching up. Cursing, he reaches the next landing and starts to turn when a hand grabs his shirt.

He whirls around, glaring, but Levi has him already pinned to the wall. He involuntarily shivers when he sees the cold expression Levi is wearing.

When he speaks, his voice is quiet but each word is laced with venom and ice. He accents each word deliberately, making sure Eren understands perfectly.

“Four years ago, I was just another employee, making just enough money to pay my rent in upper Manhattan, which is super fucking _expensive_ , and to slowly pay off my huge student debt. If I wanted to live freely without having to constantly worry about my bank account, I would need a couple more promotions and raises.

“My boss at the time was a total homophobic. If he caught any rumor that I was spending my days walking around Times Square, buying hot dogs and popcorn for a boy half my age, what would he think?”

Levi sighs in frustration and rubs his forehead. “You had a dad who paid off all your college bills and sent you monthly allowances greater than my paycheck. You didn’t know the stress I was feeling; how difficult it was for me.”

“You never said anything! If I was a burden, then you should’ve told me so!” Eren exclaims.

“You had your personal problems! I didn’t want to worry you with my own!” Levi yells, finally having enough. “Why do you think I always cooked breakfast for you and picked you up at ungodly hours in the morning? Do you think I did it for fun? No! I did it because you made my life worth living!”

Eren inhales sharply. At a loss for words, he just stares blankly at Levi while he tries to process his thoughts.

Levi looks at him, now just a tired, middle-aged man looking for an ending to this misunderstanding.

“It’s true,” he whispers, “You made my dreary, boring life into one where I looked forward to waking up every day and seeing your sleepy face. And you’re right too; I knew that you loved me, but I didn’t fully comprehend it until you disappeared. It was like a lightning bolt to the chest.”

“Levi, I—,” Eren begins, ashamed and remorseful.

Levi closes his eyes and shakes his head. “No, we both made mistakes. I didn’t tell you why I kept my distance from you, and you blamed it on yourself and left without trying to understand my perspective.”

Eren nods slowly. “You know, another part of it was that I got sick of the constant partying. I would always find myself passed out somewhere unfamiliar with different clothes on. And I realized that none of my friends liked seeing me stoned half the time, and drunk the other half. I guess I was sober only when I was with you; but sometimes I even doubt that,” Eren explains.

“Why?” Levi asks. Their voices are calm now, having understood their own regrets.

“Your love was my drug. I became addicted to you and that made me scared so I ran away,” Eren replies honestly.

“Running away is never the answer, Eren.”

“But sometimes it is. Look where I am now.”

Levi nods. “I guess you’re right.” He smiles softly. “You really did make it. I’m proud of you.”

Eren laughs, and with that the last of the tension is released into the musty stairwell air.

Levi reaches into his pocket and takes out a business card. Pressing it into Eren’s palm, he says, “Eren, I want to make up it up to you. If you come to New York, I’ll help you find a good modeling company and this time, I won’t hide you from my coworkers.”

For a minute, Eren considers the proposal. He wants to say yes; he really does. He misses New York and he longs for the long lost relationship with Levi. But at that moment, the old lady’s advice comes to mind.

_Don’t waste your time and effort on a man who will only leave a chest full of painful memories._

Making his choice, Eren smiles and gently removes his hand from Levi’s. “I really appreciate your offer, but I can’t take it. I have a well-paying job here with friends and family that love me. I’m closer to my parents and I can still keep in touch with my friends back in New York. I’m sorry, Levi, but this is the only way either of us will move on. Our history is a painful one at best and I don’t want to drudge up old memories.”

Levi nods, understanding completely. He smiles sadly. “I knew you would refuse, but I had to try. Hey, keep my business card? Call me once in a while.”

“Okay.” Eren looks at his watch. “It’s getting late. Well then, I guess this is goodbye.”

“Yeah,” Levi replies.

Eren opens his arms. “Last one for the road?”

“Sure,” Levi chuckles.

Winding his arms around Eren’s torso, he rests his head against Eren’s chest and listens to the rhythmic thumping of Eren’s heart. He inhales deeply, trying to remember Eren’s scent before he leaves. Eren’s arms hold him tightly, one hand slowly combing through Levi’s hair.

Everywhere they touch burns like fire and it suddenly doesn’t seem like November anymore.

After one last breath, Levi extracts himself from Eren’s hold and slightly pushes him away.

“You should go now. It’s getting dark.”

“You too,” Eren says. “See you around, Levi.”

And with one last glance, he turns around and walks down the stairs.

Levi stands there, leaning against the wall until he can’t hear the sound of Eren’s footsteps anymore. Then, taking a deep breath, he starts to slowly make his way down to the parking lot, where he will forget about the warmth of Eren’s arms and the way they never wanted to let him go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know many of you have been asking for an alt ending or a continuation, but I can't think of a possible ending where Levi and Eren start a happy relationship. They already said their goodbyes, found closure, and it doesn't seem right to make them meet again. If it helps, imagine that they kept in touch; asking about each others' day and how they are doing. INSTEAD--I am going to be putting up a fluffy oneshot soon to compensate so please wait for that^^


End file.
